I was frustrated with God. I was ready to give God a good talking to. I was at work on one of the days that my assignments were outside (back when I worked as a camp host in an RV Park) and, as I went about wiping off tables in the patio and sweeping the kitchen floor, my thoughts were a jumble of concerns. I started outlining them. The psalmists have nothing on me when it comes to complaining to God. The concerns were interfering with my work, no Brother Lawrence me today. (Brother Lawrence is that monk whose little book, "The Practice of the Presence of God", talks about offering your most menial tasks in service to God.) Though I tried, it wasn't working. I decided to go sit down in the swing by the river and really concentrate on telling God what for. I put away my rag and my broom, collected my coffee mug and phone and headed over to the swing. Once a sat down, I looked out at the view, preparing to lay out my case. Instead, the calm streams of water before me seemed to enter my entire being. I felt peace flow over me; my thoughts seemed to float away in the water ripples. I could not even bring to mind all the things that had been worrying me a short time before. I guess the psalmist is right that "He will lead you by still waters". I did not consciously try to imbibe the peace of the river. I did not seek it. It fell on me and filled me without my asking, clearly an action beyond me. It was magical and I can only explain this as completely God's grace overflowing. The other amazing thing that happened shortly after this moment was an answer to prayer for one of the things I had wanted to complain to God about. So God seemed to be saying as I was gifted with this blessed peace: "Quit being anxious about so many things, My grace is sufficient".
I will get angry, anxious and frustrated with God again. I wish I thought I wouldn't; that I could totally "let go and let God", but I know that won't be the case. I do know that I can return at those times to that place of still waters, experience the release and peace for a few moments and keep on keeping on learning this total trust thing! That's good news!
